people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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