I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
