i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
