i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
