If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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