You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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