Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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