there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I came so hard my ears popped.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
