He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
