pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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