is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
