That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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