Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
