All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
