Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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