I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
