who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
