i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
