How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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