sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
