break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
