I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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