I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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