No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize