he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize