it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
