saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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