my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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