I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
now i know why i became what i already was.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
