Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize