Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
