sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
