guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
