we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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