Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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