I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
