They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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