Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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