Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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