I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
