the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
