As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
