if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
