My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
