Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
