when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
