Umm I'm too high to move.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
