some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
