Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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