you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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