Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
