clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
