so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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