That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
