Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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