did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
