I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
