My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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