Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
