he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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