So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
