I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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