operation harelip BJ is a go
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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