well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
