I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize