meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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