so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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