It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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