i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
