we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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