you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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