HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
