the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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