Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
