hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and she was petting her beer can
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize