I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
