I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
