I hate your face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
