do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
please don't ironically join a cult
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