tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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