yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
