John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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