does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
