You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
