maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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