I'm so fucking centered right now
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
