Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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