I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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