I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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