i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
