just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Houston, we have a blender
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize