So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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