wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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