ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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