he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
