dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
