What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
