Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
