i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
