Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
