ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is my gift to your gina
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
