i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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