Nicole vs. Life
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
