i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
