Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
