those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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