If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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